Weighty Issues: People are cruel

I’ve been trying to take care of myself and be fit since graduation. For the first time in four years I’m back to a healthy weight and I feel energetic and fab. The last time I was at this weight I had a really terrible experience, and I hope through sharing it other people won’t put up with the bullshit I did.

The last time I was at this weight (125, if you must know) I was working at a warehouse, lifting and moving heavy boxes, bins and materials all day. I had been pudgy when I started the job, but by the end of the summer I could feel muscles all over. It was amazing.

When classes started again I started getting compliments, and it felt good. It felt good because I honestly felt good. It was the first time in my life I was eating well and working my body. I was finding joy in going to the gym.

What could possibly bring me down from this body-positive cloud? Cruelty. Cruelty from someone I thought was a friend. A couple of weeks into the semester many friends came up to me, concerned about my physical state, rather than complimentary. I was confused.

They were concerned because this so-called-friend had been telling everyone that I had an eating disorder. Though she had spent all summer observing my healthy changes she began this rumor when the semester started, when other people started taking notice.

One person actually came to me on the verge of tears, so terrified by the rumors this single person was spreading.

I couldn’t believe it. Why do that to someone? Why go out of your way to make them feel badly about their body? I couldn’t believeĀ  that a woman would intentionally try to bring down someone else by using an eating disorder to put a negative spin on a positive change. If she had been concerned for me she would have come straight to me about any condition she thought existed.

My warehouse job had shifted my hours when classes started, so I spent less time at work, and in the gym. Eventually I lost a lot of my muscle and gained a lot of my weight back, but the more lasting, hurtful, impression from my last golden days as a fit person were tainted by the fact that many people thought I had an eating disorder.

I’m reflecting on this incident now because I am finally back to a healthy weight and diet. The exact weight I was when someone felt the need to tear down my body-positive state.

The bottom line is: if you think a friend is indeed suffering from an eating disorder DO NOT go behind their back. If you want to help don’t start rumors. There are numerous on-campus resources and free community programs you can refer someone to. Those same services could even help you figure out the best way to approach talking to your friend.

DO NOT be the person that tears down someone else because of jealousy. DO NOT tear down someone’s body-positive state because of your own insecurities. DO NOT be that person.

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Posted by on February 9, 2014 in life/lists


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LA Adventures

  • Chinese New Year
  • Book Fair
  • Tacos
  • San Diego trip
  • Conference presentation
  • Sun
  • Tacos
  • Beer
  • Library Bar
  • Expensive drinks
  • Metro rides
  • creepy men
  • Tacos
  • A cat that plays fetch
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Posted by on February 2, 2014 in life/lists


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The 2 things you learn working retail

1. People suck.

2. Rich people suck more.

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Posted by on January 30, 2014 in life/lists


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5 things I regret about this vlog paper

I’m presenting a paper on video blogging/vlogging at a conference on Friday and as I write it I feel these are my main regrets…

I wish I had:

1. Written it consistently over the year.

2. Maintained forum posts I started.

3. Consistently vlogged myself.

4. Been a more active vlogging community member.

5. Watched more vlogs!

*if you know any anthropologists that vlog let me know!

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Posted by on January 27, 2014 in fieldnotes


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Things I’ve heard in the last year that make me feel shitty about my income

There were many, many times in the last year when I have had below $50 in my name. It was terrifying and upsetting, but that didn’t mean I could stop going. In the midst of dealing with financial woe, finishing a degree and taking care of an injured relative I encountered comments that made me feel even worse about the situation I was in.

I know there are times I don’t have it together, but I’m trying. I also know there are people our there that hear comments like this on a daily basis. I’m not trying to say I have it worse, lord knows I’ve had more privileges than I earned, but it still shocks me that people speak before they think.

Cringe-away at these highlights:

“What do you mean you have a job? Explain this to me.” – Well, as much as I like doing good stuff for the earth, I also need to be paid. So volunteering will always take second priority to the place that PAYS ME BY THE HOUR.

“We’re all having a hard time with money right now.” – Really? Because I literally had $20 in my bank account (counting both savings and checking). I doubt you were struggling since you just spent $40 on dinner.

“Are you ever actually going to hang out with us?” – Well, I would, but you only go to places that charge a cover that eats up my grocery budget for a year.

“It’s only $49.99 a month to rent the Adobe suite! Totally affordable.” – For someone who makes $10 an hour at a part-time job? Not really.

“I’ve never seen a laptop so old. I mean really. That’s so old. Super old. How is it even still working?” – Thanks. Sorry my old MacBook from all the way back in 2009 doesn’t have an SD card slot. Really. I had no idea that would offend someone so much.

“I’ve never seen a smartphone this old. It doesn’t even have retina display.” – Well considering I’ve never owned a phone when the year it was released (until very recently) I think you can excuse the poor quality of my iPhone 3. Maybe don’t look directly at it so it can stop confusing you.

“What did your parents say about you working retail with a Masters? They must have been upset.” – Since it was the only job I could get immediately upon graduating I think they didn’t care. Being unemployed was no excuse for not PAYING MY BILLS. Excuse me for not just refusing to work for jobs that you deemed below my education because I needed to eat.

“What do you mean you don’t have your own DSLR setup?” – Well, since that costs over $1,000 and I don’t even have a car, job or healthcare I think my excuse is that I have different priorities.


Posted by on January 27, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Why we should stop writing articles with titles beginning with “Why you should.”

Because it’s annoying to be getting instructions on how to live my life nonstop via various online publications.
Yet this short post perpetuates the issue in criticizing, so who is really winning here?


Posted by on January 26, 2014 in life/lists


Current Finances (or lack thereof)

Commitments and their priority:

1. ABC – They pay me by the hour.

2. Documentary Internship – They pay for my travel AND give me a stipend.

3. Editorial Internship – They pay for my travel.

Am I doing the right thing here? Probably not. I probably need another hourly paying job. I’m sure I do. But I don’t have one.

Side “jobs”:

1. Etsy

2. Amazon book sales

3. Craigslist

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Posted by on January 25, 2014 in Uncategorized


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