Friday the first draft of my film project is due and I feel like I have nothing to show for my efforts. This morning I made a bunch of new contacts, but filmed no interviews. I could have taken out the camera and put people in front of it, but there’s a certain intuition that comes with being a journalist and anthropologist that makes you aware of when it’s appropriate to start recording and when it’s not.

Today didn’t feel right. I was trying to make initial contacts and get people on board. Explaining why you want to talk to someone about their life in a non-creepy way is difficult.

So today I made contacts but was waiting on a call from a participant who said he’d set me up with contacts that would be ok with interviews. He said he knew a bunch of guys who had been working in the fields for years. He said he’d help, but he has’t returned my calls all week. I had intended to spend all day tomorrow interviewing his friends, but as of now I have nothing. As of now my trip was for nothing. As of now I’ll have nothing to show for my first draft besides two interviews with people who are not relevant to my study.

It’s days like this that plague my night, my mornings, my every second. What have I done wrong? Will this project ever be complete? How much of this time has been a waste? Should I change my topic to make it easier?

But I don’t want to change my topic because it’s important to me to know who picks our food and the issues that face Hispanics in America today.

I don’t know. I’m not sure. These phrases circle in my mind and I still have no conclusions.