Dear East-Coast Bianca Hernandez,
We’ve never met, and most likely never will, yet we share a crucial bond. You see, we have the same fucking name. While it’s not shocking to share a name with someone it is odd to be receiving their mail. Especially when it comes from businesses located on the opposite side of the country from my current residence.
Which is why I’m writing you, dear Bianca. You seem to not know your own e-mail address. That’s fine, it could happen to anyone. My issue is that you keep giving my gmail address out as your own.
I’ve been getting notices for your rent for years, but recently your apartment management has gotten more aggressive with maintenance updates, flooding my inbox with what I’m sure would be helpful information for me if I lived in your apartment (but I don’t).
Adding insult to injury, your recent trip to the doctor has resulted in me getting rather urgent sounding emails. Now, I’m no doctor, but that seems rather serious.
So I implore you to memorize your gmail address so that this madness can stop.
California Bianca Hernandez